


One... two... three...

by katychan666



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Crack, Dorks, Drunk Humor, Drunk!Underhill, M/M, drunk!Alec, much crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-09 05:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18910486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katychan666/pseuds/katychan666
Summary: Drunk Underhill can't count his way up the stairs, so he calls his drunk Boss to help him out!Bonus: Magnus and Marcel love their dorks!





	One... two... three...

“One… two… three… um,” was counting Underhill as he was making his way into his and Marcel’s apartment, pretty drunk and he then stopped to think. Again, what came after three? Underhill’s head started hurting and he took that as a sign that he was thinking too much, but it was driving him mad. One, two, three… He started panicking! “Marcel, what comes after three?” he asked, counting the stairs, stopping on the third one as he protested going into the elevator as he came up with conspiracy theory that elevators were evil. Usually Marcel would be rolling his eyes, but now he was just leaning against the wall and was laughing softly.

 

“Hmm?” asked Marcel. “You’re a big boy, figure it out,” teased him Marcel and winked, Underhill humming as he then stuck out his tongue as his boyfriend decided not to be helpful. Very well, Underhill took it upon himself to figure out what came after three, so he did the most rational thing ever; pulled out his phone and called his boss, who was currently in a similar state as the two of them had a few drinks that day after work. “Theo, what are you-”

 

“Shh, calling Boss,” said Underhill as he was swaying on his feet, Marcel quickly placing a hand behind his back as he didn’t want to see his boyfriend fall down the stairs and he just shook his head. “Oh, it’s ringing!” said Underhill and was happily humming. “Riiing, riiiing. Marcel, he won’t reply!” whined Underhill. “Now what?! How will I come up to our apartment?! What will become of me? My whole life… oh! He picked up! Alec, help me!” yelled Underhill and Marcel was laughing like crazy.

 

“Theo!” said a voice from the other side of the phone call. “What’s up? Long time no see. I miss you!” hollered back Alec, Underhill having him on the speaker and Marcel could hear Magnus laughing in the back.

 

“ _ Darling, keep it down! I think half of New York can hear you! _ ”

 

“Oh, this is important! It’s Theo, he needs our help,” said Alec and Marcel was shaking his head. “Okay, I’m here. Tell me, what’s going on? I’m here, as the HOTI it is my duty…  _ Magnus I feel sick, _ ” whined the Head of the Institute and Marcel only shook his head. They were all a bunch of dorks. 

 

“Boss! Focus! This is serious,” said Underhill, hiccuping as his speech was slurred.

 

“Yes, sure! I solemnly swear I will  _ not _ throw up and help instead,” swore Alec. 

 

“Yay!” said Underhill and then looked at Marcel. “Babe, why was I calling him again?”

 

“To figure out what comes after three?”

 

“Right! Thank you, I don’t know what I’d do without you,” said Underhill and kissed Marcel, who was still holding him. “There’s been a situation, boss,” said Underhill and Magnus was laughing again. “I cannot come up the stairs, I forgot what comes after three… I’ve been counting stairs… one… two… three… and  _ then?! _ ” shrieked Underhill. “I. Need. You!”

 

Magnus was dying in the back.

 

“Magnus stop laughing, this is serious,” said Alec and Marcel face-palmed himself. “He can’t go into his apartment!”

 

“ _ How about the elevator? _ ”

 

“No, Magnus, elevators are evil,” said Alec. “Yes! Elevators are evil.  I don’t like them. Thank God you have portals and magic, because I cannot stand elevators. That cramped, little space… no, thank you. I rather walk up the stairs,” said Alec. “Right! Magnus what comes after three?”

 

“ _ How can you be this… I love you, Alexander! _ ”

 

“I love you too, but we need to focus!” announced Alec. “One… two… five… oh no wait!” said Alec and Magnus started laughing louder. “One… two… three…  _ four! _ ” said Alec loudly, way too proud of himself. “The answer is four Theo!” said Alec and Underhill perked up, taking the next step.

 

“Yes, four! You’re a genius, no wonder you’re the Head of the Institute,” said Underhill and then looked at his feet. “Next one is… five… six… seven,” said Underhill, slowly stumbling up, Marcel right there to support him and Underhill was impressed with himself. “ _ By the Angel,  _ I’m a fucking genius. I’m so talented. Alec!”

 

“ _ I can’t with you two, _ ” said Magnus, laughing as Alec was cheering on his friend.

 

“Magnus, you can’t leave now! We got up to ten! Now the real fun begins!”

 

“Eleven!”

 

“Twelve!”

 

“Fourteen?!”

 

“No, no, Theo… it’s  _ thirteen,  _ then fourteen. Listen to the Master of counting,” said Alec and Underhill nodded. “I should become a mathematician,” announced Alec and nodded to himself, Magnus’ giggled getting high-pitched in the back. “I can see a bright career ahead.”

 

“You totally should!” was quick to agree Underhill.

 

“Watch your step!” warned him Marcel as Underhill almost tripped and Underhill giggled. “My boyfriend is so amazing, he just saved my life,” said Underhill and Marcel rolled his eyes. “Oh, my shepard! Of the stairs! Marcel… why is this taking so long?” whined Underhill. “My legs hurt!”

 

“Well, because you insist on walking instead of taking the evil elevator,” said Marcel and Underhill’s eyes went longingly to the elevator. 

 

“I change my mind. Elevators aren’t evil, they’re our friends,” said Underhill and Alec shrieked.

 

“Theo?!  _ No! _ ”

 

“I’m sorry, but I’ll betray you, boss, my legs hurt too much!”

 

“It’s okay, you’re forgiven, my child,” said Alec. “Magnus… I need my friend, the toilet too, I don’t feel so good,” heard Marcel and Magnus then took Alec’s phone.

 

“You got everything under control?” asked Magnus.

 

“Yeah,” said Marcel. “We’ve got it covered,” said the vampire as he pushed his boyfriend inside of the elevator. “You?”

 

“I’ll go help my HOTI out,” said Magnus and after that they said their goodbyes to each other.

 

Both Magnus and Marcel agreed that Shadowhunters were terrible, but adorable drunks.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading  
> Leave a comment if you enjoyed it


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